Love like Jesus

My husband and I are in the middle of “the cycle”. It’s a cycle we can’t seem to break. When hope is lost. When it seems the end of our marriage is near. When I can’t take anymore, and I’m sure he can’t take anymore of me either.

It feels like we are pushed to the brink. Fuses are short, patience is gone. Resentment takes over. The love we once felt for each other is seemingly gone.

Is this really what God has planned for us?

The answer is no, this is not what God wants for us. I believe God desperately wants more for us. God wants forgiveness and love to win over everything else. Always.

God promises abundant life and so much more.

I believe in God’s promises. Tomorrow I will choose love and I will choose my husband once again. It’s not easy for either of us. But when we forgive, when we look at the facts, we realize that we still want each other.

Tomorrow the cycle starts over. With love anew.

I will hold on to God’s promises and the hope that this is just the season of life we are in. When we shuffle from activity to activity, focusing on the kids. When we don’t make time for our marriage.

I hold on to hope that the best is yet to come.

I understand that not every relationship can be saved. I am not saying that anyone should be a door mat or take advantage of other people.

This is just my story. I hope after reading it God moves in you to hold on a little longer.

I pray we all love more like Jesus.

God Moves in the Quiet

My daughter was less than a week old when we noticed she was turning blue.

At first we thought it was just the color of her newborn skin. Then we noticed it happening more frequently.

She was sleeping on my husband’s shoulder and I noticed she looked very blue. I thought her little pajamas were choking her so I approached her to unsnap the top button. When I did, she woke and gasped. At that moment my husband decided we were going to the emergency room.

We drove the 15 minutes to the hospital, not realizing we should have called 911. I didn’t have words. Only, “please God, please God, please God”.
We were quickly admitted to triage and she was assessed. What happened next, I’ll never forget. They told us they were moving her to Madison by ambulance. “Please God, please God, please God”.

They struggled to hook her tiny body up to heart monitors because they only had adult snaps. Snaps. With sticky ends they attached to her small chest. I’ll never forget how she screamed when they snapped the monitor tubes into adult snaps. On my baby who was days old.

She and I rode in the ambulance to the hospital in Madison. Still no words, just “please God, please God, please God”.

My husband followed in our car. We were admitted there. She was tested for just about everything a newborn could be tested on. Her organs, her blood, her brain. “Please God, please God, Please God”.

After an exhausting week, she was diagnosed with apnea. Even though she was full term, her brain was a bit under developed. When she slept, her brain would forgot to communicate to her heart to breathe. The thing that kept her going before we took her to the hospital was co sleeping. The beat of my heart kept hers going.
In the quiet room, with my baby hooked to monitors. Hard to hold because of all the tubes. I had no words. My God spoke overwhelming peace into my heart. God moved in the quiet. My daughter is 9 today and is well except for asthma. She is strong, hilarious, and beautiful.
I realize not all of us are so lucky, for that I am so sorry. In your sorrow, in your grief, in your stress, know that God is with you.

Snap Into Happiness

I was reminded today that we are in charge of our own happiness. I think of happiness as our Jesus light, or how we shine God’s light…
This life offers us so many dark times. We don’t know why these things happen to us or those we love, but they do. In these times I pray you surround yourself with positive people, positive music, and positive thoughts. Its hard, I know.
It is in these dark times I pray we can find the light. Ask others to help us, ask friends to pray for us. Find that speck of light and focus on it. Soon that light will grow and it will melt away the darkness. It takes time, believe me, I know. But rest in God’s promises. God will never let us down.
Please remember you are never alone. God is as close as the breath in your lungs. Breathe in the spirit and let it wash over you. Look for the light and soon your light will shine bright for all to see for God’s glory.

Photo credit: Julia Wolf

You Just Never Know

I feel the spirit moving to talk about the elephant in the room. That one thing that’s going on in our lives that nobody wants to talk about. We all have our burdens, the heavy stuff that weighs us down, so why are we so quick to judge?
We look at people and think, “whey are they in that situation”, why “don’t they just change?” Or, “why are they wearing that, or doing that?”, you get the idea.
You just never know what someone is going through. It could be mental illness, it could be a physical illness we can’t see, or maybe its a toxic relationship, a loss of income, a loss of someone they love, sometimes we are just worn out! This world offers us so many struggles….the last thing we all need is to be judged. I’m guilty of it too. Its in our human nature, but that doesn’t mean it should be excused or ignored.
I encourage you to ask God to take those thoughts as soon as they enter your mind. We need to be mindful of our thoughts, words, and actions. Our words are so powerful. They can change lives! A simple hello, and acknowledgement of a person’s existence could save their life. Our words teach our younger generations how to treat people. That’s a huge responsibility which we are granted freely, praise be to God, and THANK YOU to our service people past and present!
Whatever your elephant is, I pray you share it. With God, with friends. Let God take the burden from you, and let your brothers and sisters in Christ walk with you through your valley of shadows.
I pray that we are all mindful, you just never know what someone is and has gone through. Amen.
Photo credit: Julia Wolf

Accepting The Call

Discernment is a struggle for me. This idea of blogging and becoming a speaker, for instance, has appealed to me for over a year. Is it my own idea or is it from God? I’ve had plenty of encouragement along the way but does that make it God’s call? Encouragement is a positive first step toward self confidence. When I get a blog idea, I sit down at the computer and start typing. Is it from God because the words roll off my fingers as I type? Would God really choose to use me in this way?
God chooses the most unlikely people to speak His truth. All over the bible we see God choosing the least likely and doing amazing things in them and through them for His glory.
Posting this blog and overcoming self doubt through my writing is drawing me closer to God. If others are inspired along the way then praise be to God! If this is God’s call, then God will equip me. I will trust that God will use me for God’s good, whether it ends today, or years from now.
Will I get to the speaking part of this endeavor? I do not know. If I do then, praise be to God, if I don’t then that is not God’s will for me. Discernment is important. It’s important to pray for God’s will to be done. But it’s equally important that we trust God and recognize that the evil one is out to destroy the good.
In 1 Corinthians 12 we learn that we are all made to be God’s hands and feet in this world together. We are all made differently, to come together for God’s glory. God made us to work for His good! Amazing.
My prayer for all of us today is that we clearly see the gifts God has given, together we word for God’s glory. I pray we are open to sharing and discerning God’s gifts for each of us! I pray we step out in our faith with bold confidence. When we are unsure, we trust God’s will be done. Amen